brians brain p4

                                                               
                                                                    
Friday 08DEC00                                                      
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Feast of the Immaculate Conception.                                
                                                                 
Saturday 09DEC00                                               
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Today I participated in a locked-building age-grouped psychological
study investigating the relationships of personality traits and the
formulating, setting, and achieving of goals.  Characteristically,
I was too slow to complete all the study's sections on time, and 
so had to bring some home in an envelope for mailing them back.
Now finished and sealed in, they will be returned on Monday.       
Three years ago I would have answered many of the questions quite
differently.  Then my view of myself, while not good, was consid-
erably more positive than it presently is.  Oh, if I am alive, I
will go on; but if the wounds I inflicted on my spirit heal, I will
go on revivified/ and intensely grateful.  For being a human--even
amid odious difficulties--is an experience which is unfathomably
beautiful.  It is only that a melancholic such as I am often does
not see it so.  Go ask the suicides.                              
                                                                  
Sunday 10DEC00                                                    
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Due to an interesting link on a FlipDog page, arrived at           
ProvenResume.com and spent several hours reading and thinking   
about the 12 free workshops there on how to write a powerful,    
proven-to-work resume.  While I was impressed by what was         
presented, including the need for most job seekers to have 
their self-esteem and self-confidence strengthened, my feelings
about myself barely changed.  I'm afraid my age, physical ailments,
financial condition, and general feelings of separation are going
to be formidable barriers for some while yet, if not from now on.
I know I need to heal my traumatized self-image, and I know such
valuable persons as Regina may well be an integral part of that
healing.  Certain saints and the Blessed Virgin and Jesus, God
the Father, and the Holy Spirit are--and more intensely so than
ever--in my life.  (I ought to have communicated deeply with them
all my aware hours.)  Tomorrow is going to be a signal day.  It
may not be a pleasant day, however.  If I am here then, I will
write of it.                                                      
                                                                  
Monday 11DEC00                                                 
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Life changes.  My working at the Mid-Florida Area Agency on Aging
appears to be coming to an end, and my working at Chick-fil-A    
appears to be about to begin.  I did see the attorney today.  It
was definitely educational, but even though I have no other choice
but to C7, I have a feeling that even that is not going to save
me.  I simply tried to master a skill I was not up to mastering,
and my failure is yet likely to impede what I now must do.  Tonight
I will have a conversation with one of my angels.  I do not think
that angel will in the least be pleased.  Yet we will talk and    
perhaps reach an equitable decision.  Here, I, a Capricorn, am    
supposed to be clear-headed and pragmatic.  I may have been born
under the sign of the goat, but I mostly do not fit there except
for my stupid stubbornness.                                     
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Had the conversation with my angel, and we did settle on what     
move I should make next.  It is not one I relish making, but just
as with the C7/ there seems to be no other option.  So I will be
going to a higher angel, and only God knows what is going to 
occur then.                                                      
                                                                   
Tuesday 12DEC00                                                 
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Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe.  Thank you, most holy Mother of
Miracle.  Thank you, St. Leonard of Port Maurice, St. Katharine
Drexler, St. Alphonsus Rodriquez.  Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you,
Almighty Father.  Thank you, Holy Spirit.  Even if what the higher
angel told me does not come to pass, thank you.  Fools such as I
have been deserve nothing.  Therefore, I ask only that I be allowed
the grace to live those moments remaining to me as they ought to  
be lived/ in faith and hope and charity.                           
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This afternoon at the Center for Aging Resources of the Mid-Florida
Area Agency on Aging, my boss being out ill, I--with guidance from
another employee--created seven interlocking Access 2000 databases.
They are each fairly simple, and may get changed, but my boss will
be pleased they exist.  Tomorrow, their Christmas party day, is    
likely to be my last day there.  Thursday morning I expect to be
starting my job at Chick-fil-A.  I will miss the Center and all        
the good people at mfaaa.org.  I shall try to visit them.         
                                                                 
                                                                   
                                                                 
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Rho00038