Monday, February 25, 2008

brians brain p3

Saturday 02DEC00 - How does one keep from losing one's spirit? How does one strengthen one's spirit? Does one say: Begone, darkness. To my left sunlight bright against my cold window. I here rocking, wearing a sweatshirt with a winter jacket over it. I drink some water and feel all cold, as if I have no warm blood. Pianist/singer/songwriter Bruce Hornsby and his group were just on NBC in the chilly plaza/ playing "That's the Way It Is"--thank you. More and more life is becoming a moment-to-moment journey for me. My Sister sister said: "At least you are hanging in there, even if it is by a thread." Magical as our being is, it is ever/ tenuous. ~ Sunday 03DEC00 - Despair here. Despair here. Get your red-hot despair here. - - - I do not know. - - - PRAYER FOR THE SICK. PRAYER FOR EMPLOYMENT. - - - Saint of the Day: St. Francis Xavier, a scholarly man brought into the infant Jesuit Order by his friend St. Ignatius of Loyola, traveled to the Orient to reveal Jesus, where he sacrificed greatly but was filled with joy. - - - Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit, I today come to You to ask You to deign--if that is the word to use-- to heal my downcast spirit, to imbue this delicate sickly fool I am/ with grace enough to know even a slight amount of the joy St. Francis Xavier knew. I am not as he, nor could ever be. Direct me, who cannot seem to direct himself, toward that which is pleasing to You and will benefit all of us who struggle to make of our human conditions passages of lasting value. ~ Monday 04DEC00 - Last night I found myself thinking that since the part-time employment I presently have at a non-profit organization is both educational and enjoyable/ I would like to full-time employment at a non-profit. Tonight I went to FlipDog with that in mind, selecting Virginia and Florida as places I would prefer to be. It is likely to take time for me to fashion a proper resume/ as seeking such work would constitute a career change. Volunteering, gathering information, and networking may be my only way in--if I can convince myself I am really serious about being employed at a non-profit. - - - Deep truth is I know what I really want to do, and I am doing it; but for me there is no money in it, and the odds are there never will be. ~ Tuesday 05DEC00 - If you "plan" to attempt a difficult task, ask: "Must I?" If the answer is yes, assess yourself deeply. Ask yourself not only if you really have the ability to succeed, but also how you will judge yourself if you fail. If you determine you have a reasonable chance of succeeding, assess the task deeply from the moment you begin it, and do not hesitate to truncate your efforts if your original thinking is proven inadequate. I proffer this because of what has happened in my life. The psychic harm to yourself and others because of an irrational "I-can-do-it" attitude/// is not worth it. I have made an ash of myself. I have. I have. [ 02/25/08: Here is a verse from the memoir I wrote about it. * Some will call Many will send But in the end You are all So if you attend Attend with care Let not befall Conditions where No one is there * And here are some present thoughts. 1) Although some have done so and fared well, never chance more than you can afford to lose. 2) Identify those opportunities which have the most positive long-term potential. A solid base thwarts worry. 3) Still, keep abreast of events. Even a solid base can crack. 4) Beware of all/ that might dash your efforts, especially your own emotions. 5) Identify those opportunities which have the most positive short-term potential. Timing is crucial here. 6) These thoughts have universal relevance. However, there are circumstances where they do not apply. ] ~ Wednesday 06DEC00 - Today is St. Nicholas Day. * For me it was a busy, strange day, especially with phone calls. After my hours out at the Mid-Florida Area Agency on Aging's Center for Aging Resources, I drove over to Chick-fil-A for an orientation session with one of the lead managers, and to pick up a possible uniform. On Monday, however, I must get a written approval from my doctor regarding my ability to perform the job I will be expected to do. I hope she okays it/ as that job will pay me twice what I am making now, and I surely need it. - - - Just as this morning was, tomorrow morning will be busy with this and that and phone calls. My brain is buzzing. I hope that means it is out for nectar, not out to saw limbs off. ~ Thursday 07DEC00 - Dreams, dreams, dreams, dreams, dreams. Who in the hell is Brian (Arthur) Salchert anyway? Does he know? Does he have the slightest tittle? I just came from a web site which seriously questions whether creative writers should look to technical writing as a viable profession. I didn't read much of it, and so I will be going back to it. I have it AOL FP'd. I did read enough however to once again encounter "the what is your passion" question. Dreams, dreams, dreams. Is it better to do that which I am moved to do, even if I cannot secure a living by means of doing it, even if few or none care why or what I write; or should I just seek to put my passion to sleep/ as is often done with a horse with a broken leg? Dreams. How do I know if mine are true? So what if I can write this or that. So what if I try my best to make what I write excellent. Should I--if I am honestly passionate about making poems and crafting letters and deliberating over journal entries--even be asking such "lack-of-self-confidence" questions? Also went to the Songwriters Guild site. Who in the hell is this BAS guy anyway? - - - Wasted space. That is how I feel right now: like wasted space. 3 Rho00037

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