Thursday, February 28, 2008

brians brain p4

Friday 08DEC00 - Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Saturday 09DEC00 - Today I participated in a locked-building age-grouped psychological study investigating the relationships of personality traits and the formulating, setting, and achieving of goals. Characteristically, I was too slow to complete all the study's sections on time, and so had to bring some home in an envelope for mailing them back. Now finished and sealed in, they will be returned on Monday. Three years ago I would have answered many of the questions quite differently. Then my view of myself, while not good, was consid- erably more positive than it presently is. Oh, if I am alive, I will go on; but if the wounds I inflicted on my spirit heal, I will go on revivified/ and intensely grateful. For being a human--even amid odious difficulties--is an experience which is unfathomably beautiful. It is only that a melancholic such as I am often does not see it so. Go ask the suicides. Sunday 10DEC00 - Due to an interesting link on a FlipDog page, arrived at and spent several hours reading and thinking about the 12 free workshops there on how to write a powerful, proven-to-work resume. While I was impressed by what was presented, including the need for most job seekers to have their self-esteem and self-confidence strengthened, my feelings about myself barely changed. I'm afraid my age, physical ailments, financial condition, and general feelings of separation are going to be formidable barriers for some while yet, if not from now on. I know I need to heal my traumatized self-image, and I know such valuable persons as Regina may well be an integral part of that healing. Certain saints and the Blessed Virgin and Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit are--and more intensely so than ever--in my life. (I ought to have communicated deeply with them all my aware hours.) Tomorrow is going to be a signal day. It may not be a pleasant day, however. If I am here then, I will write of it. Monday 11DEC00 - Life changes. My working at the Mid-Florida Area Agency on Aging appears to be coming to an end, and my working at Chick-fil-A appears to be about to begin. I did see the attorney today. It was definitely educational, but even though I have no other choice but to C7, I have a feeling that even that is not going to save me. I simply tried to master a skill I was not up to mastering, and my failure is yet likely to impede what I now must do. Tonight I will have a conversation with one of my angels. I do not think that angel will in the least be pleased. Yet we will talk and perhaps reach an equitable decision. Here, I, a Capricorn, am supposed to be clear-headed and pragmatic. I may have been born under the sign of the goat, but I mostly do not fit there except for my stupid stubbornness. - - - Had the conversation with my angel, and we did settle on what move I should make next. It is not one I relish making, but just as with the C7/ there seems to be no other option. So I will be going to a higher angel, and only God knows what is going to occur then. Tuesday 12DEC00 - Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Thank you, most holy Mother of Miracle. Thank you, St. Leonard of Port Maurice, St. Katharine Drexler, St. Alphonsus Rodriquez. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Almighty Father. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Even if what the higher angel told me does not come to pass, thank you. Fools such as I have been deserve nothing. Therefore, I ask only that I be allowed the grace to live those moments remaining to me as they ought to be lived/ in faith and hope and charity. - - - This afternoon at the Center for Aging Resources of the Mid-Florida Area Agency on Aging, my boss being out ill, I--with guidance from another employee--created seven interlocking Access 2000 databases. They are each fairly simple, and may get changed, but my boss will be pleased they exist. Tomorrow, their Christmas party day, is likely to be my last day there. Thursday morning I expect to be starting my job at Chick-fil-A. I will miss the Center and all the good people at I shall try to visit them. 4 Rho00038

1 comment:

Reginald Shepherd said...

Dear Brian,

I'm very sorry to hear about your difficult psychological and financial situation, and particularly sad to hear that you are losing your job and starting one at Chick-Fil-A. I remember working fast food (scooping ice cream in Boston) and it was not fun.

I didn't know that you are also in Florida. Where are you?

Take good care, and I hope that things improve for you--at the least, that you will be able to start feeling better about yourself. For what it's worth, from the little I know of you, you seem like a very smart and kind person.

all best wishes,