It is my life

         
                                       
                                         
and I can live it destructively and I can live it
constructively and anywhere inbetween, and I have.
                                                     
For a long time my opinion of myself has been:  I
am not right.  As much as I do not want to--though
sometimes (as the evidence shows) it seems I must  
want to, I too consistently have made poor choices.
Had I had the vision, I would have lived both as     
I chose and as I did not choose.  Have been a Brian
and an anti-Brian.  
Examples: 
1. As a writer I would have been both reclusive   
      and highly visible.                          
2. As a purchaser of stocks, I would have traded
      aggressively and invested judiciously in
      growth stocks.                             
3. As a general consumer I would have allowed     
      myself some excesses but would have found  
      a residence I intended to remain in.             
4. As a mind/body being I would not have favored  
      my mind over my body.                          
                                                     
There's a current body story I am tempted to share
but a voice within says:  Don't.  Share it with   
your doctors.                                       
                                                     
As some of you know, my life here in Missouri is   
one of greater isolation than it was in Florida.     
This is not to say I can't make it less so, but   
I am more limited.  Other blogger's write about  
books and journals they are purchasing or have 
received and about what they're reading out of     
their extensive libraries.  I have a library, but   
little in it is contemporary, and presently my  
days are heavy with other concerns.  Actually, I
maybe shouldn't have a blog.  Does it seem I'm  
confused?  I am.  However, it isn't just isolation,   
it's my lack of pertinent knowledge.  It's my 
inability to keep up.  So much of my time is spent       
visiting blogs and making my often difficult-to-   
compose comments.  Besides, that I do not have a
defined agenda to push as do certain bloggers in 
that I do not belong to a coterie and am not bound   
to a specific style makes me less interesting on  
the face of it.                                       
                                                    
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Am at the second chapter on Imagination and Fancy         
in Owen Barfield's What Coleridge Thought, and at        
the end of the first chapter Barfield presented   
the passage in which Coleridge defined the Primary
and Secondary Imaginations.  Barfield had stated   
Coleridge was at odds with most thinkers--oriented
as they were toward scientific rationality--of his    
time.  Thus, as I suspected, Coleridge assigned    
the Primary Imagination to the ". . . infinite I Am."
This puts me in line with Coleridge.                     
                                                        
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Events of late have been signalling to me I am in         
my last days.  Yet there's no way of knowing.  I  
could concentrate my weakened energies.  Fanny Howe
and Franz Wright?  St. John of the Cross?  The Age  
of Pisces is in its last days.  Even so, it may be     
more than 300 years before the Age of Aquarius fully
takes over, which some say St. Germain will rule.  
Others are expecting a new reign of Jesus and 1000
years of peace.  Barring more miracles, I'm expecting
to be dead.  The Dow had a lackluster day.  Read that
President Obama said the government won't get into    
healthcare insuring unless Congress can figure out   
how to pay for it.  GM is getting a second chance. 
They ought to help revitalize the railroads.  For me
tomorrow means another trip to my GP's office.        
                                                      
Just remember: a good poem is one you like, even if  
you don't know why.                                 
                                                    
                                                    
                                                       
                                                      
                                                   
rh00359